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2:50 p.m. - 17.07.02 My mother had my dog put to sleep today. It wasn't really something I had any say in, which makes me kind of mad - she just tells me yesterday that we're having it done this morning. He's gone now. The vet came to our house this morning while I was supposed to be asleep, but of course I woke up and couldn't actually sleep. I've spent the rest of the day watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and reading, because I don't know what else to do. I should be more upset, but I guess the fact that we had been preparing for this for some time lessens the actual event. His blanket isn't at the bottom of the stairs anymore, and I won't ever have to worry about tripping over him in the darkness anymore. I won't hear him moving around downstairs, telling me if one of my friends is at the door. My mom is very upset, of course. I'll miss my puppy, but he was very sick and this is for the best, because if he had had to stick around any longer his organs would have started to deteriorate, and then he would just be in a lot of pain. I feel that that kind of talk is being too practical, but I don't really know any other way to cope with it, so there it is.
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